Tweets of the week: It’s not easy being Remco Evenepoel

What a week to be Remco Evenepoel, huh? 

The 23-year-old returned to the Vuelta a España last Saturday to begin his red jersey defence, and was met with disaster after disaster. 

The first came on the opening day. Setting off last in the team time trial, the Belgian’s Soudal Quick-Step team rode through the darkness of night, a sheet of rain beneath their tyres. Evenepoel was not happy. 

“It’s super dark and super sketchy on these roads, in my eyes it’s just ridiculous,” he said, fizzing with anger in front of the TV cameras. “It’s like driving your car 200km/h on the highway in the full dark without any lights.”

Stage two brought more rain in Spain, and the Belgian was part of a rider protest that fought to have the race neutralised.

Even when he won on stage three, catastrophe was inescapable. Five seconds after crossing the line on the Andorran climb to Arinsal, Evenepoel barrelled into a spectator, wiping her out and ploughing into a metal barrier himself. Ok, you might say, he could have braked, but what is a victory without a long salute to the adoring masses? 

Sadly, rather than celebrating joyously, the Soudal Quick-Step rider sat on the floor with blood pouring down his face. 

“It’s the third day in a row,” he said afterwards, “and it’s breaking my balls a bit now”. 

So bad, in fact, were the Belgian's fortunes, that if stage four’s oil spill plot hadn’t been foiled, you’d have bet your mortgage on all 400 litres landing on his head. 

And still, Evenepoel could end up in Madrid with the red jersey. If he does so, having had the elements conspire against him, it would surely be one of the sport's greatest feats. 

Elsewhere in cycling this past week, Elisa Balsamo gets a special frame, Max Walscheid packs a punch, and the world's most useless cycle lane is unveiled. 

1. Siri, play Under Cover of Darkness by The Strokes

2. Here's what it looked like for Evenepoel and co

3. Forget cycle-ball and artistic cycling, curling is the latest fad

4. Life comes at you fast, eh? 

5. It turns out the Belgian is not the first to celebrate with a crash 

6. Who wins in a fight - a 30-tonne Jumbo-Visma bus or one skinny tree? 

7.  Feast your eyes on this silky showboating from Arkéa-Samsic's Kevin Ledanois

8. Blanka Vas has some tricks up her sleeve, too

9. Lidl-Trek once again proving they are unrivalled in the stash game

10. Can we all please take a moment to appreciate 'Kennondale' *claps*

11. It might not be Kennondale, but Elisa Balsamo has been reunited with her Tour de France bling

12. You have to reach a special level of exhaustion to lie down on soaking wet asphalt

13. When we asked for segregated cycle lanes, this isn't exactly what we had in mind

14. Filippo Ganna is fed up of being the bridesmaid. "And that makes eight second places for 2023," he writes

15. A reminder to never get on the wrong side of 6ft5 Max Walscheid